Hilary's Rules for Completing Long Reading Assignments

First, the Qualifications for Long Reading Assignment Status:

1. Longer than 5 textbook pages OR longer than 2 academic publication pages, the latter of which intimidate me inexplicably.

2. Regardless of length, beastly philosophical approach OR intense word choice OR both.

Second, the Rules:

1. You must read the equivalent of one page from an academic publication before being rewarded.

2. You do not have to perfectly understand each page, but you must get the overall gist before being rewarded.

3. If you cheat, you have to read two horrible pages in a row. No exceptions.

Third, the Rewards:

1. Paint two finger nails (one coat limit, please).

2. Watch one episode of Vlogbrothers.

3. Go to the bathroom and read one chapter of Elsewhere. To prevent cheating, the bathroom is conveniently claustrophobic and dank.

4. Go upstairs and say hello to Simini. 5 minute limit.

5. Only one reward per page read.

In an Emergency:

HUMONGOUS SWIG

It's going to be a long semester. Photo credits: Simini.

The End.